when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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