I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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