he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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