Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
