Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
