The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
