Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
