i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How does it feel to date your dad?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
