Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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