With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
