May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
