I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
