I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
