I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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