Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
