DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
