im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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