yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
