nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
