just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
