My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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