if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
