remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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