Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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