My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my poor anus
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
