Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
