Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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