I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
