New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
