I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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