You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
