I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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