Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
