I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
