mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
