you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
