Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
