new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
