i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
