i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
