I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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