"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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