Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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