We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
