I could have mohawked her pubes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
