I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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