I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
