apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
