My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
