dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
