If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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