Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize