My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Let's get the cat blown out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
