sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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